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Amy Arora
April 19, 2021April 19, 2021

Ask Amy: Making Friends in Adulthood

I just moved to a new city and I feel very isolated. How do I make friends?

For those of us who have lived in many places, we often think of moving cities as no big deal. We may have mastered the art of packing the perfect box. We may have set up the wifi in advance. We may have spent countless hours online, researching our new home, wondering whether they have any good secondhand bookshops. However, no matter how many times we have done it, there is no denying the fact that moving to a new place alone can be really unsettling. So, whatever the reason for your move, well done for leaning in to this choice. It’s brave. Make sure you keep sight of that. 

As for the isolation, this can be a really horrible feeling. It can be easy to believe that everyone else in the town is together, having a wonderful time, and you haven’t received an invite to the party. Know that this is not the case. Sadly, in these times of extreme connection, lots of people feel more lonely than ever before. In recent research by the Campaign to End Loneliness, 45% of adults in England said that they felt occasionally, sometimes or often lonely. It’s as much of a pandemic as any other. Oh, and speaking of pandemics, that really hasn’t helped things either. All of this is just to say that, in feeling isolated, you’re not alone.

The case for making friends as an adult is not hopeless, not at all. But it can be a little scary. This is because the best way to make friends as an adult is to put yourself out there. And in doing that, you risk rejection. You should know, however, that rejection is unlikely. You are, after all, an interesting person with plenty to offer the world. So get out there. The most common way to make friends is at work. If you’re going to spend 80% of your time with people, you might as well befriend them. Talk to your co-workers. Listen to them. Ask questions. The wonderful Jo Cox said, “We are far more united and have far more in common than that which divides us.” Don’t be afraid; you will find your tribe.

If you, like me, are working from home right now, and spend more time talking to your pets and plants than actual people, you will need to make more of an effort. Can you meet people through your hobbies? Can you go and volunteer your time? Can you connect with people online? It’s not as simple as it was at school, when you became best friends with the person you sat next to in Maths, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. One of the scariest things about making friends in adulthood is the idea that you will somehow be found wanting. But look outwards. Being a friend is as much about supporting someone as being supported. Give love – thoughtful love, which does not compromise your boundaries – and just watch how it flies back to you. You’re never alone. I wish you luck on the journey ahead. 

More advice columns are available here. 

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One year older, and one year since I started this One year older, and one year since I started this account. 

A lot has changed in a year (🤰🏻) but one thing I am very proud of is that I have made space in my life to write, and it has brought me untold joy. 

Who knows? Maybe next year my novel will be in the shops...

#birthdays
Three months later, I remembered this Instagram ex Three months later, I remembered this Instagram existed.

Here's a wholesome photo dump.
1. Still editing and just got these excellent books as recommended by @amiemccracken and @urbanwritersretreat 
2. Baby fever has arrived.
3. My boyfriend made a robin house.
4. 31 weeks pregnant.
5. The Pyrénées, just because. 

As excited as I am about impending motherhood, I'm also feeling the pressure to get my book into a better state and send it off to agents before the truly sleepless nights begin. 

So, does anyone want to be a beta reader? I'll send you a printed copy.
I've written four out of five days this week and I I've written four out of five days this week and I'm counting that as a win. Three chapters edited and in better shape. I'll be searching for beta readers soon! 

In other news, bereft at the lack of Bonfire Night in France, we just did some sparklers in the garden. Five minutes of excitement! Now back to the sofa.
I don't know why but these Words of Wisdom from @l I don't know why but these Words of Wisdom from @londonwriterssalon made me cry. It's permission, isn't it? Permission to put something into the world, just because you can. 

Editing day 2 is going well. I'm working through Chapter Two, checking that it all makes sense. Some of the writing is great! Some of it is terrible. 

On we go.
Let's face it, 2020 was a weird old year. But one Let's face it, 2020 was a weird old year. But one of the biggest silver linings for me was the chance to finally take part in #nanowrimo 

I wrote a bonkers 50,000 words in one month and I learnt that writing a novel was not impossible. I also learnt that it's a good idea to have some vague kind of outline to avoid inevitable madness.

That novel is on my computer and will probably stay there forever, but taking part in the challenge gave me the confidence to write a second novel, titled Missingh People. This one might actually go somewhere. 

This year November is my editing month. The goal is a decent second draft by Christmas. I'll be checking in each day with updates on how I'm going. I'm so excited and extra grateful for that second trimester energy 🙌🏽
Hard relate. #somanybookssolittletime Hard relate.

#somanybookssolittletime
Where's the newsletter, you may be asking? Where i Where's the newsletter, you may be asking? Where is the latest installment of ADVENTURES & ADVICE? 

Truth be told, my creative brain has been taking a holiday lately. Here's hoping it will return in the coming weeks. Until then, I'd better get reading. 

#futurmaman
Every now and then, a book knocks you over. Maggie Every now and then, a book knocks you over. Maggie O'Farrell's extraordinary memoir definitely did. 

Highly recommended.
New writing alert ⚠️ It was such a pleasure New writing alert ⚠️ 

It was such a pleasure to write about my safari adventures in Tanzania for Vacations Magazine, published by Ensemble Travel. 

Go have a read at the link in my bio and let me know what you think!
It's been a while but I'm back! Thanks to the fol It's been a while but I'm back!

Thanks to the folks over at @londonwriterssalon for these words of wisdom.

Is it just me or does September feel like a time for even more New Year's resolutions?

This is mine: Get to a decent second draft of the novel by Christmas.

What are yours?
Moving this one to the grid because I love this sn Moving this one to the grid because I love this snazzy wool bow. 

The first editing step on my novel-writing course with @urbanwritersretreat is to re-read the book and write down a "reverse outline" of exactly what happens in each scene. 

This is a great plan, because there are whole sections that I have no memory of writing. Really. No memory at all.
What a well-worn, mature passport featuring a Dora What a well-worn, mature passport featuring a Dora the Explorer sticker. 

It's the right picture for the latest installment of ADVENTURES & ADVICE though, which is all about Adventures in... Airports ✈

You know, those places we all used to frequent before we were grounded by Covid.

Have a read at the link in my bio and if you like what you read, I'd love it if you would subscribe.
I don't think I really understood The Yellow Wallp I don't think I really understood The Yellow Wallpaper until recently. It is such a simple premise. I remember feeling underwhelmed when I read it at university, wondering what all the fuss was about. Now I think it should probably be compulsory reading for all women my age.

This morning, my student and I had a go at drawing the wallpaper as per the narrator's descriptions. The second pic is my effort. I like how creepy it is. 

What stories have you come back to and suddenly understood later in your life? (Don't even get me started on Streetcar.)
Manic face, mojito and celebrating getting my seco Manic face, mojito and celebrating getting my second ever piece commissioned from a pitch 🥂

This freelance writing stuff can mean lots of rejections/no replies, so it's good to celebrate the wins!
This photo does not do justice to the beauty of th This photo does not do justice to the beauty of this scene, which made me stop and stare. 

I've also now seen two snakes while running in France! Tanzania, eat your heart out 😂

The best bit about running around the countryside like a maniac in 28-degree heat is that now I feel completely justified to sit on the sofa with my book for the rest of the day. Actually who am I kidding?! I was definitely going to do that anyway.
Hiii everyone, school is out for the summer, which Hiii everyone, school is out for the summer, which means I've had more time to write!

Lots of it has been of the anonymous content writer variety, but here are a few bits of writerly news:

✍🏼 My latest guest blog post for @bedrocklearning is out now. It's all about emotional literacy. Go read it at the link in my bio.

✍🏼 The next installment of my newsletter, Adventures & Advice, is coming out tomorrow. If you haven't subscribed yet, why not? If the thought of more emails is too much, feel free to just have a read. The link is, you guessed it, in my bio 😉

✍🏼 I'm about 7000 words away from finishing the first draft of my novel, Missingh People. That's not a typo in the title. Can you guess what it's about?

Feel so lucky to have a chance to pursue this #writerlife 💓
I used to think affirmations were a bit silly. Now I used to think affirmations were a bit silly. Now I know better. The way that we talk to ourselves matters. 

An affirmation is a way of saying, "I'm okay, just as I am." And then growing from there.

I've been drawing a card out from this deck each morning and just keeping an eye on it all day. It's making a difference. 

Thank you @lesley_stonier @bryonyfrippillustration 

💓
Toulouse by night. Inspiration is everywhere! Toulouse by night. 

Inspiration is everywhere!
Ask Amy is available in my newsletter, Adventures Ask Amy is available in my newsletter, Adventures & Advice. Link in bio.

What's your take on short-term relationships? Are we "allowed" to feel sad when they end?
The latest installment of Adventures & Advice is o The latest installment of Adventures & Advice is out now. It's all about football! 

(I know, I know... graphic design is my hidden calling.)

Subscribers: It should be in your inbox 😊

If you are yet to subscribe, or you want to read without subscribing, the link is in my bio. 

Let me know what you think!
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